When Grace Abounds
“Fun with Fred” is a humorous memoir written by an extended family member describing her journey with both obsessive-compulsive and hoarding disorders, which she calls “Fred”. She describes the myriad ways “Fred” has impacted her life, from complicating her relationships to sabotaging her journalism career. Despite Fred’s best efforts she has written for a variety of publications including the Chicago Tribune, the Dallas Morning News, the Philadelphia Inquirer, Games magazine, World Tennis and Cosmopolitan. This book was published earlier this year and is the result of a ten-year effort.
I have little knowledge or experience with these disorders. According to the National Institute of Mental Health website, an estimated 1.2% of U.S. adults had OCD in the past year. The types and extent of this disorder are many and varied. I could not easily find the number of typical cases that suffer from the combined disorders of OCD and hoarding.
I found the book easy to read because of Leslie’s style of writing and it is laced with her humor. I particularly enjoyed the final few chapters as she describes the victory of her lifelong struggle with these disorders. However, you will not find her announcing some great proclamation of victory. But you can see it in the description of her changed life from patient to counselor, from part-time to full-time meaningful work, and even a change in the tempo and style of her writing. It is a victory well-earned and rightly described. My reading of the text impacted me deeply because I found myself missing an old friend who was one of my college roommates for four years.
I met Mike in August 1968 when we matriculated to VMI and were assigned to the same room in barracks. Even in those hectic early days of the “rat line” (freshman orientation) Mike and I, along with our third roommate, forged a close relationship that lasted all four years. It was a rare occasion when three guys remained roommates for their entire stay, and you get to know each other pretty well. Mike was kind, patient and always smiling, regardless of the circumstances. But to us who knew him best he could be a little bit “quirky”. Nothing major or of any big consequence but we had nothing better to do than study, do military duty and torment each other for entertainment. Mike’s fatal flaw – he was extremely neat and orderly. We had to keep anything in public view in military order. But most guys let their desk drawers and personal areas exist in a chaotic state hidden away from sight – except for Mike. Every once and a while we would mess them up for a good laugh. Mike would just smile and put them back in order. There were other little things like that that made Mike distinctive, you get the general idea. The problem was it made him a routine target of teasing and public embarrassment. Mike took it all in stride and never stopped smiling.
Mike was a graduate of University of Richmond’s T.C. Williams School of Law, a member of the Virginia State Bar Association, Friends of L’Arche Central Virginia, Richmond Host/Tuckahoe Lions Club, and a longtime member of St. Bartolomew’s Episcopal Church. Mike was employed at the Virginia Department of Alcoholic Beverage Control as an administrative law judge presiding over hearings regarding violations or charges. Mike died in May 2015 at the age of 64 from heart disease. His family stated at his funeral service that he will be remembered by “his smile that never dimmed and his kind heart that never met a stranger.”
I recently communicated with Mike’s brother in preparation for this writing. As far as he knew Mike was never tested for having OCD but he had witnessed many of Mike’s peculiar habits as well, being his younger sibling. I told him one of my biggest regrets in life was neglecting my friendship with his brother after college. I miss my old friend and roommate to this day.
So, what is the common denominator between Leslie, Mike, you and me. We all get one shot at this life, and we have to play with what is dealt to us. I think it is all part of God’s plan for our lives and I believe the key is found in scripture. “But where sin abounded, grace abounded much more.” (Romans 5:20) Wait a minute! What has sin and grace got to do with OCD and life in general? Let me explain.
Sin in the referenced scripture literally means “to miss the mark.” In the context of this verse, it has to do with “missing the mark” when we compare our lives to the holiness of God. Of course, we are going to miss the mark in that comparison every time. The word “grace” in that same verse means unmerited favor. I like to explain it the way it was explained to me years ago as “grace” is God doing something for us that we cannot do for ourselves. In the context of this verse, it means that all of us miss the mark compared to the perfectness of God, but God redeems us, accepts us for who we are, which is something that we cannot do for ourselves. Only God can do it for us.
So now let’s apply this verse to Leslie, Mike, you and me. All of us miss the mark in different ways in different forms. Some deal with OCD, quirkiness, or other disorders and/or weaknesses. But the more we miss the mark, the more “grace abounds”. In other words, the more we cannot do for ourselves, the more God does for us. Here is the key – if we let him. If we turn bitter and resentful in our inadequacies, we pass up any opportunity for God’s grace to be poured into our lives. It is no coincidence that Mike kept a smile on his face as he persevered through life. He was a man of faith. Different from mine, but that does not matter in God’s economy. I know Leslie is a woman of faith. Again, different from mine, but that does not matter. Each of us have a measure of faith in our lives. That is all that is required to experience God’s grace. “But where sin abounds, grace abounds more.” Thank you, God. Thank you, Mike and Leslie, for being a testimony of God’s grace in your lives to me and all who have known you.
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