Redeeming the Time

Pictured above are my twin cousins celebrating my aunts 83rd birthday at her favorite Red Lobster restaurant near Indianapolis, Indiana. At some point during the lunch my aunt expressed a desire to talk to her nephew from whom she had been estranged for approximately 40 years. The request prompted my cousin Mary to pull out her cell phone, dial information, and initiate the call. At the other end the phone rang on Chincoteague Island on the Eastern Shore of Virginia to an unsuspecting nephew. When I answered the phone, my cousin reintroduced herself, said my aunt wished to talk to me and abruptly handed the phone to her. The voice on the other end of the line was not one I recognized so I hesitantly responded, “Aunt Sissy?” What followed was a brief encounter with the matriarch of my family, mainly filled with my apologies for letting the years lapse since our last contact. Unfortunately, it took a few years from the time of that phone call to when I finally visited with her. However, I had the privilege of redeeming the relationship with her and made several trips over the subsequent years. Years lost were “bought back” in quality time and she gave me the opportunity to learn many new details of my father’s life growing up and during the time when he was in the service. One visit was to attend her 90th birthday celebration pictured below.

My Aunt Sissy was an early victim of the COVID pandemic. What follows is a eulogy I wrote that was shared with the immediate family immediately after her death unable to gather in her memory at the time.

I am so grateful to my cousins for interrupting their birthday celebration with my aunt approximately seven years ago to unite me with her by a phone call.  Aunt Sissy evidently had a desire to reconnect with me long after I had become consumed with living my own life.  My last remembrance of seeing her was at my father’s funeral in the fall of 1976 almost 40 years ago.  When I finally came to visit her a few years ago, she invited the whole family over to share a macaroni and meatball dinner with me and my wife, Kirby.  Unfortunately, she did not explain the house rule of a limit of two meatballs per person.  Of course, I was starved for homemade Italian meatballs especially those that reminded me of my mother’s and grandmother’s.  All was fine after I consumed somewhere between 4-6 meatballs until my cousin Rob showed up and asked “Hey, who ate all the meatballs?” My aunt was sitting next to me at her kitchen table and promptly cocked her thumb in my direction and said, “That guy!”  That was my Aunt Sissy. The last time we spoke about four days ago she called me an “old goat”.  Same spunky Aunt Sissy that I remember from my youth.  I will miss her dearly as I am sure all my cousins and family will even more so.  But most of all I am filled with regret.  Regret for years lost.  Regret for times not spent together and things not done.  But it occurred to me that those feelings fill each of our souls regardless of how good or bad our relationships are when faced with the finality of death and the grave.  These feelings can be overwhelming at times and will not stop hurting no matter what therapy is applied.  So how do we cope?  I am no theologian or bible scholar.  But a very familiar verse recently popped into my mind ….” Jesus wept.” (John 11:35) Often described as the shortest verse in the bible I never gave it much thought until recently when the context of this verse occurred to me.  It is quoted as Jesus is standing at the tomb of a dear friend who had died a few days before.  The question that occurred to me was why was Jesus weeping, knowing full well he was about to raise his friend from the dead? Why wasn’t he trying to convince the family and friends who were blaming him for his friend’s death that it was going to be all right, and that it wasn’t his fault?  Why was Jesus so emotionally moved that he was brought to tears?  I believe it was because Jesus identified with the pain that all those folks felt when faced with the death of one that they dearly loved.  I believe they were grieving over the loss of time spent with the deceased and all those other missed opportunities.  They were dealing with the pain that you and I feel with the loss of my aunt who was your mother, grandmother and all the many things she was to us.  We feel it, I believe those folks felt it and I believe more importantly that our faith suggests to us that Jesus felt it then and still feels it for us today.  What was Christ’s reaction then, He overcame death with life. I believe He still does.  I do not fully understand where Aunt Sissy is or what she is doing now but I believe she has overcome death and is in a good place doing well.  I believe she is surrounded by love, your love, the love of Jesus and the love of others that have gone before her.  I would not be surprised if she has connected with my Dad by now and has had enough time even to irritate Uncle Ronnie (just kidding). I think if we believe this to be a truth of our faith it will help make our present sadness a little easier and raise a wonderful hope for our future when we will see Aunt Sissy again!

Our faith tells us to walk wisely redeeming the time (Ephesians 5:15,16). It is never too late to say we are sorry for lost time in relationship until it is too late, when suddenly someone passes. We are only given this day. Act wisely redeem the time today before it is too late. I am so glad I had those days with my dear aunt all because she desired it and my cousin acted on it in the moment. Thank you, Mary. Thank you, Aunt Sissy. Thank you, God.